Anniversaries

I realise that I'm a little late in writing this, but it's been buzzing around my head for ages and the weeks following New Year I was preoccupied with matters of excess baggage and I don't mean on an emotional level.

There is something about the start of a New Year that always has me pondering events of the past and the passing of time since those events happened. It's hard to believe that some of them are so long ago now, but it's also a reminder that time does in fact heal.

So these are what I consider some of the major landmarks and events in my life.

41 years ago - The obvious one, my birthday.

25 years ago - Left school

25 years ago - Dancing the George in Belper

25 years ago - Drove Dad mad with Frankie Goes to Hollywood Relax at full blast

20 years ago - Joined the police - possibly not my best move ever

20 years ago - Met ex-husband - I thought he looked like Rutger Hauer (well you had to squint and put your head on one side!)

18 years ago - Married ex-husband - complete with bouncers posted around the church to keep out psycho ex-wives and ex-girlfriends (yes, I know I should have paid more attention to the alarm bells in my head, but hindsight is a glorious thing)

11 years ago - Hmmm 7 years of boredom have passed! Anyway, this is the year that I make the decision that will throw everything into freefall - I apply to go into Police Training School to teach IT

9 years ago - The holiday when I realised my marriage was over. After 3 weeks of birdwatching in torrential rain around Malaysia I get to spend a week in my dream place, Pangkor Laut resort. Unfortunately all Mark did was moan about the lack of birds and focus on writing his notes instead of enjoying time with his wife in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to on earth.

9 years ago - I have a nervous breakdown curtesy of events in Police Training School.

9 years ago - Finally snap and decide to leave my husband. Don't know what I thought would happen when I uttered those fateful words "I want a divorce" but it wasn't quite as instant as I thought it would be hence.....

8 years ago - Cut my hair ridiculously short and dyed it dark blue.

8 years ago - Move out of matrimonial home into my own place and start living my life.

8 years ago - Pass my motorbike test and buy my first motorbike a Honda CBR600 and start to emmerse myself into the biking scene.

8 years ago - Am rescued from myself repeatedly by a very dear friend whom I really put the ringer. A very big apology for all the heartache I caused you and a huge thankyou for saving me.

8 years ago - Work my last day for the police.....Nearly another year of battles and torment to follow before I'm set free.

8 years ago - Maddison is born and opens my heart to loving children. I never thought it would happen and I'm still amazed by the powerful impact my neice had on me.

7 years ago - Get my first tattoo.

7 years ago - Spend 10 days at Flint House, Police Convalescent Home which turns out to be very depths of my despair, but also my turning point. The climb back to sanity begins

7 years ago - Tarka came into my life and saved me. He becomes my reason to function everyday

7 years ago - Spent a very special summer with someone who has to remain nameless, but it's one of those periods in time that I treasure forever. Endless hours of fun chasing each other around on motorbikes and falling in love. Tery Jacks - Seasons in the sun reminds me of you and Blurry by Puddle of Mud makes me sad when I think how different things could have been if you'd asked me for a drink 24 years ago when you wanted to.

7 years ago - My first Rock and Blues festival. It was the climax to that special summer and the last chance we had to be together.

7 years ago - The Police decide I'm to be retired, too much of a hot potato. Don't think going 'missing' after a night out with a friend helped and god knows how many people involved in looking for me. LOL

7 years ago - I decide to take my life in a new direction and to give something back to others who are experiencing what I'm going through - I start my training to become an Aromatherapist

7 years ago - Get involved with wierd Richard. He was too good to be true, nearly 40, into bikes single, no children, no ex-wives what more could a girl want. Oh and he'd had a complete emotional bypass. My birthday present was a pressure washer. Don't think Mel Gibson's film What Women Want was out yet.

6 years ago - Qualify as a massage therapist

6 years ago - Angels reintroduce themselves to my life

6 years ago - Another summer of motorbikes, but eventually decide I've had enough of Richard's behaviour and call it a day.

6 years ago - Meet Dave of the Huge Ears. It was always amazing that he could get a motorbike helmet over them.

6 years ago - Start teaching Anatomy, Physiology and Massage and Aromatherapy. Still not sure how that happened, but I met some amazing and gifted people in that time. It was a pleasure to share a little of their journey with them

6 years ago - Divorce finally comes through

5 years ago - Dave moves his kids in. Oh god what hell that was! What the police did didn't even come close to this.

5 years ago - Experience my first ever broken heart with the eviction of Dave. Not sorry to see the back of his ghastly children however.

5 years ago - Bought another motorbike Suzuki SV1000 and a beautiful African Grey parrot called Gabriel.

4 years ago - Have a fab season on my motorbike and try to rebuild my life after Deadly Dave. Make some amazing new friends who take me under their wings.

4 years ago - Meet a guy who turns out to be the catalyst for the next stage of my life.

4 years ago - Decide to sell my house and go travelling. Sri Lanka is calling to me for some bizarre reason.

4 years ago - Land the best job on the planet. Working a few hours a week at Ginger Cards in Matlock. It was so much fun and brought me out of myself. I had the opportunity to work for a brilliant lady. It wasn't like going to work at all and I even got paid for it. Thanks Lynn.

4 years ago - Lose a dear friend in a motorbike crash. Phil took me under his wing at my lowest point after Dave and included me; he made sure I didn't sit around feeling miserable and he gave me the confidence to ride my bike like I stole it.

3 years ago - The house is finally sold and I'm free.

And 3 years ago I arrive in Sri Lanka and begin a whole different adventure.

The strange thing is that until I actually typed out that list I didn't realise how much has happened to me in the years since I left Mark and how little happened in the time that was with him. It was totally unmemorable. It's only when I look back at this stuff that I appreciate how much I have achieved and experienced, most of it on my own. Often I will stop to take a breath and marvel at the moment I exist in and wonder 'how the hell did I get here'.

Thanks to all those people who have crossed my path on this madcap journey of mine and thanks for all the gifts and life-lessons you have brought me.

Make that 2 bird books

I have a confession

I like looking at the birds in my garden! There I've said it...... I'm out of the closet..... I am a bird watcher..... Eeuuw

No I can't be.... I'm just a person who likes watching birds in my garden.

I suppose I should confess the other thing whilst I'm being this honest - I own a bird book too.

I'm sure that this would amuse my ex-husband immensely. I am not, however, about to become obsessive about the birds in my garden or form some nepotistic, hierarchical group that transforms a simple pleasure into something far more political and unpleasant. Sorry Mark, although it's highly unlikely that you will be reading this.

When the birds are so abundant and colourful it's hard not to look at them and appreciate their beauty and then it goes one step further and I found I wanted to know what that beautiful stripey noisy thing was so I bought a book. Beautiful stripey thing was in fact a female Asian Koel which is a cuckoo and was doing a typical cuckoo thing of trying to lay her egg in the nest of something far smaller and not remotely similar.

Which brings me to an issue that has puzzled me for a long time. Birds apparently imprint; whatever they see when they first peep out of the egg is imprinted as being the parent and birds generally don't go for interspecies breeding unless they are a duck or goose, who have no such qualms. So, if a cuckoo hatches in the nest of a wren for example, it believes its mother is a wren, it probably also believes that it too is a wren, how on earth does it ever get together with another cuckoo to perpetuate the species if it believes it is another bird entirely? Unless of course the other cuckoo was also brought up by a wren and is displaying similar behaviour etc so it's like being members of the same club..... Ah! I think I get it now.

I digress. Alarmingly I realised that I actually remembered the names of some of the birds from the trip in 1996 with Mark, subliminal learning or what!

I have now counted 32 different species of birds that frequent our garden, which I think is pretty awesome and it doesn't include all the little brown jobs that lurk in the undergrowth or the things that make strange noises in the jungle at dusk.

In the mornings I take my cup of coffee and biscuits out to my favourite rock and sit and watch all the life going on around me. It makes my mind still and brings me into the present moment. Nature always does that to me. It makes me realise that at times my mind is like an over-excited puppy chasing after thoughts as though they were balls and those thoughts are usually are of things that have long since passed or not even happened yet. It's actually very difficult to be in the now, but I find that watching the birds in my garden does help me to achieve that state. After all, nature is in the now! The Bulbuls who amuse me so much with their comical cries are totally oblivious to all the man-made chaos that is plaguing the human world right now. They aren't worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow; they are only interested in the papaya I have just laid out for them, it doesn't matter to them that there may not be papaya tomorrow - they have it today and that's enough.

So as I'm sitting there on my rock trying to get the puppy and ball under control I ask myself "Do I have enough for right now?" "Am I happy right now?" because the only moment that truly exists is this moment sat on my rock. I can always answer yes to those questions so I take a deep breath and relax and know that everything is OK.

I heard a wonderful quote in a movie, the name of which I've forgotten, but the quote lingered in my mind "Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due" ~William Ralph Inge

Anyway, it's time to don my anorak and go back to the birds and the book.

The mystery plant

I take after my Aunty Eileen in that I have started saving seeds from everything we use in the kitchen and then I throw them in to the garden or a planter so what will happen and then I forget about it.

A mysterious vine like plant appeared in one of my flower beds that provoked numerous discussions about its identity. I was convinced it was a grapevine, Mad Norman (not to be confused with the Mad German) thought it was a melon and Raja really didn't have a clue.

The plant must have taken exception to being accused of being a grape because the following day it produced a small yellow flower that ended all speculation. It is a cucumber plant that is now growing vigorously around a tree in the garden and is producing cucumbers faster than we can eat them.

The only problem is that there is a particular fly that also seems to love cucumbers and keeps impregnating them with its eggs UGH!

Now all my cucumbers are wearing condoms!

My garden

I love spending my time pottering around the garden. It has such lovely energy and everything feels so happy.

The lawn is actually what appears to be a type of clover. Raja took a few patches of it from somewhere in the village and has carefully nurtured it so that it has taken root and is spreading happily across the garden. The beauty of it is that it grows only horizontally and therefore will not need mowing or cutting.

We've managed to keep some of the original boulders that were so prominent when we first started work. They make great places to sit and the squirrels come to sip the water that lingers on them after we've watered all the plants.

With so much space available to me I'm trying to grow lots of different produce so that we can be self sufficient. I've succeeded with capsicum peppers, tomatoes, Pak Choi, spinach, rocket and cucumber so far. The most prolific of my efforts is basil which is running riot everywhere. It's just a shame that my culinary skills can't do all this amazing fresh produce justice; I've never really been interested in cooking - food is just a necessity to me and holds no thrills although I truly appreciate what others are able to conjure up in a kitchen - by the time I've prepared something I've usually lost interest in it. I made hummus the other day and by the time it was ready I'd got bored and two days later Rocky had it with his rice and curry.

So I'm surrounded by all this wonderful fragrant basil and I really have no idea what to do with it. Polite suggestions most welcome!

Please!

Progress on the house

This is what I came back to in February this year. The top slab had been laid whilst I was in England.

It was still hard to envision it as a home, but at this stage the majority of the mega jobs had been completed. The clearing and preparation of the land before we could even start laying foundations had been mammoth and stressful jobs.

Work started again at the end of April and by August this is what the house looked like. We have a huge bedroom, bathroom, awesome balcony and an amazing kitchen. The living room extends to the left of the photo behind the trees, but we've not started this part yet.

I don't actually miss having a living room as the garden is just such a wonderful place to be in and there are so many different places to sit. I can choose if I want to daydream at the sea to the front or the mountains at the back.

My beautiful boy Rocky

He's so handsome! Now a year old and still a big baby. He just doesn't realise how big and strong he has become.

He still rides on the foot plate of the scooter as though it is the most natural thing in the world for a Rottweiler to do although he does look rather comical.

Swimming in the ocean is an activity he only undertakes out of loyalty and an overwhelming urge to save my life. He doesn't realise that lurching at me and trying to cling to me whilst I'm in 5ft of water is possibly quite detrimental to my safety so I've now learned to swim just beyond his reach and thereby avoid all the welts.

A bundle of fluff and attitude

This was Rocky last year when we first brought him home. My god, I'd forgotten how much work a puppy was, especially a Rotty who are just so full of attitude. Sleeping times were bliss

I wanted to call him Rommel, but this seemed to present a problem to Sri Lankans who were unable to pronounce it. So one night me and Raja discussed alternatives that he and others would be able to say easily and we came up with Rocky. Fortunately we chose not to be inspired by what was on TV at the time or he would have been called Zorro. Lucky dog, lucky me not having to shout that out.

Dawn meditation

Most mornings this individual sits on the top branches of the Kitul tree which is level with our balcony and gazes out to sea . I often wonder what he's thinking about and resign myself to the fact that it probably involves how to eat all the leaves on my papaya trees before he's spotted by Rocky.

What on earth is Britain doing?

I don't understand economics a great deal, but I understand enough to know that Britain is in a huge mess as is the rest of the world by all accounts.

One year ago the exchange rate for British pounds to Sri Lankan rupees was 225, today it's down to 164. I'm sure it's the same for every other forgein currency.

What on earth are the governing institutions playing at?

Another question is - Where has all the money gone to? Somebody must be sitting on it somewhere. Or is it as I have suspected all along that it doesn't really exist and it's just numbers that are transferred between computers. How many people actually use real money these days anyway?

Little did I know

It's over 2 years since I came out to Sri Lanka and this month it will be 2 years since a very shy young man invited me to see the sunrise from his land sitting on the foundations of his house.

Little did I know at that moment that the concrete square we perched on would become the foundation for our bedroom floor and that this special place where I saw my first sunrise would ultimately become my home.

Raja's dream

This is what Raja dreamed of for our home. A scetch on a scrap piece of paper was his only plan. He took that dream and that plan in his head and he built it.

Well, half of it at least. We've not got around to filling in the walls for the living room yet, but the rest of it is there.

Because of what he has achieved and manifested I never tell him he can't have the things he dreams about. Two years ago his dream was just a concrete square in a jungle; now it's becoming a beautiful home surrounded by an apparently abundant garden.

The dream taking shape

The mad German next door

My neighbour is a German woman of advancing years with questionable dress sense and bad highlights. I'm no follower of fashion or trend setter, but I hope that I'm blessed with a little more dignity than to put myself in a situation where I might be accused of being "mutton". Do some people really not look in the mirror!

Her boyfriend is considerably younger than her and whilst I am aware that I am standing in a glass house as I'm casting this stone their age gap is somewhat more yawning than that between me and Raja.

There have been many occasions when she has done something spiteful just to put a spanner in our construction works and she has successfully upset a number of local people, but her latest feat takes some beating.

Above her piece of land runs our access road and there are 3 pieces of land that sit along it. All of them DID have nice views of the bay. That was until the Mad German built The Wall. It runs across the top of her land and stops at our gate columns. In most places it is over 6 foot high and for the people that occupy the 2 sections of land next to us all they now have is a view of concrete breeze blocks and a sliver of ocean above it. In addition to that she has had two rows of rusty nails cemented into the top of the wall.

Now, I realise that it might appear to be a justifiable security measure; we are after all living in a remote part of the village surrounded by jungle. The perplexing things is that she has not continued with this theme along her other boundary next to which runs a public footpath. On this boundary she has erected a wire net fence.

I'm trying to fathom the logic of this move because it surely can't be a security consideration; if I were intent on breaking into her property I wouldn't bother with The Wall and risk breaking a limb climbing it, I'd just go and cut a hole in the fence.

Maybe she has a phobia about squirrels and the rusty nails are a deterrent against these acrobatic fiends - I actually like squirrels a lot.

Sadly I think her motives for building such a monstrosity are to rob other people of natures beautiful view and keep it for herself. I intend to find the most virulent climbing weed in the jungle and plant it behind the wall so that at least our other neighbours don't have to look at concrete.

More Wall

Another view of The Wall.

In the foreground is Raja and his team erecting our gates, which are as high as they look - 7ft! We have to fill the road with earth otherwise as the threshold is currently 3ft above ground level.

They are also surrounding the otherwise bland concrete columns with boulders that have been collected from the jungle.

Counting sleeps

As of today I'm 36 sleeps away from my visit to England for Christmas. I'm so excited, but I have to confess that it also feels a little bit peculiar to be so excited about leaving my life here for a couple of months especially to head back to England. I tell myself that it's normal to get excited about going on holiday, but I always get a little nervous about stepping out of the wardrobe and leaving Narnia for a while; it's also weird that England has become the holiday destination.

Still, I've been out here for nearly 10 months and I'm desperate to see my family and friends and to have time in my own culture for a while.

There are so many things to look forward to about the trip:

My dear friend Andy waiting for me at the airport - he's going to get verbal diarrhoea all the way from Heathrow to Horsley.

KFC with Andy at the motorway services - it will stem the flow of the verbal diarrhoea for a while. Poor Andy.

Arriving at Mum & Dad's and giving them a huge hug.

Seeing Sally & Chris, Martin, Vik and Maddy and Roger again. Lots and lots of hugs

Seeing all my lovely friends - more hugs.

Spending Christmas day surrounded by my family.

(I think I'm going to need lots of tissues too)

Sleeping under a duvet.

Eating cheese - Extra mature English Cheddar

Drinking fresh milk.

Lamb chops.

Dad's salad for lunch.

Snoozing in front of the TV in the afternoon after Dad's salad.

Shopping - can't wait to see the Westfield Centre all decked out for Christmas. Am I too old to visit Santa?

Finding clothes that fit; I'm the equivalent of Gulliver in Sri Lanka.

Drinking beer in a pub.

Drinking red wine.

Lots of chocolate.

Starbucks latte.

Birds cream cakes (oh god I'm going to put weight on)

Going for walks in frosty maybe snowy countryside.

Sunday mornings at the layby.

Fish and chips in Matlock Bath even though the biking season is over.

Real sausages with baked beans and baked potatoes. Oh I'm so hungry now. (Baked beans are a luxury item here, can you believe they are nearly £1.50 for a tin of normal Heinz beans!!)

Fish finger sandwiches.

And here's a weird one - being surrounded by tall, white, English speaking people.

Supermarkets - last time I was there I could wander round Tescos and Sainsburys in a dreamlike state of wonder. You have to experience shopping in Sri Lanka to understand that fascination.

The list is possibly endless and it takes being away from all of those things to appreciate them so much more. The long absence makes me appreciate how much I love and miss my family too. Can't wait to see them.

Surprise Surprise

My lovely friend Bec sent me a text inviting me for a girls lunch in Hikaduwa on 16th October and added that she wouldn't take 'No' for an answer. It's not unusual for us to occasionally head out of Unawatuna for some 'girl time' so I happily agreed.
So when the day arrived we took a tuktuk up to Hikaduwa and went to the Amaya Reef. It looks quite nice from the outside and as you walk through reception you are greeted with a view of a lovely pool edged with palm trees and beyond that the ocean. However, when you look back at the rooms you notice that it has a tired look about it. The patios and balconies are furnished with a couple of uncomfortable looking metal chairs and that's it. I think that if I had paid to stay there as part of a package holiday I would have been very disappointed. But as a venue for lunch with the girls it was OK, after all it was the company that was most important.

We sat awaiting the arrival of our other friends and I had taken a seat that gave me a view of the pool and the entrance to the hotel, for no particular reason other than I hate having my back to open spaces (and OK, I like to see what is going on and who is moving around - I guess it's my police nature). Then I noticed a man entering the pool area and I recall idly thinking "he looks like Chris". Chris being my brother-in-law. I don't think that my brain really registered it; it's not unusual for me to draw comparisons between people especially if I squint and put my head on one side - I could see similarities between anybody. Just as I was musing over this similarity to my brother-in-law my little sister appeared behind him.

I'm not sure, but maybe my jaw did actually drop in surprise and I think that everybody around the hotel heard my exclamation "F**k, it's my sister" at which point I bolted out of my chair to engulf her in a massive hug.

It truly was the most incredible surprise of my life and I keep replaying that moment when I first saw them. I don't think that Cilla Black could have done better.

Sally had contacted Bec through Facebook to find a way to surprise me. So huge huge thanks to Bec for agreeing to take part... I know it was quite a fraught week wondering how I would react. I don't think my reaction could possibly have been anything other than overwhelming joy.

I must I must

make amends for failing to keep my blog up to date......

The tale of Paranoid Man

When you spend a lot of time in one location the people around you become part of the tapestry of the place. The permanent characters are like the threads that are integral to the design, whilst the visitors are merely shadows passing over the surface. The presence of some is so fleeting that they barely attract your attention, but others linger long enough to draw you into observing them. I think it is a lingering effect of my time in the police that makes me study and observe people. From my under my tree on the beach in Unawatuna I have observed such diversity in human behaviour that I realise now how much I had sheltered myself in the years between leaving the police and vacating England.

This is the curious case of ‘Paranoid Man’.

He arrived on the beach around the end of July and beginning of August and stayed long enough to pique my curiosity. Like most people he had chosen his favourite place to hang out, this being Hard Rock on the beach, but he didn’t appear to mingle much. When people stay a while they are usually befriended by at least one of the beach boys, who will become their best friend for the duration of their stay in exchange for a beer or two and gradually they will be drawn into the social circle that exists on the beach. This didn’t happen with ‘Paranoid Man’; he didn’t appear to attract any ‘friends’. He always remained on the periphery and in fact, now I think of it, the boys seemed wary of him. Such was his reticence that it was difficult to distinguish what nationality he was.

After a few weeks he left as most people do eventually and the shadow passed from the tapestry. It’s a little like having a mouth ulcer; you notice its arrival and continuing presence, but rarely do you remember the day it left.

But then he came back and again my curiosity was piqued.

I was sitting at the beach at Hard Rock for a change late one afternoon when he decided to take up a table behind me. At the same time there was a rather pitiful mangy dog with a crater on its ear that had chosen the same table under which to lie. It was then that I noticed a powerful and unpleasant pungent odour coming from the direction of the table. So I informed the guy that he had an extremely smelly dog under his table and the dog was encouraged to vacate.

This opened up the opportunity to engage in conversation, but now how I wish it hadn’t. I was left stunned and astonished after only 5 minutes.

I commented that he had been away, nothing like stating the obvious, but I noticed that he looked briefly alarmed.

When I asked if he’d been on a tour he told me he had been in Colombo. Normally people that are here for any length of time begrudgingly go to Colombo for only a day; a period of weeks is unheard of. So I progressed the conversation and asked if he had been working there; maybe he was an NGO. His reply surprised me; he told me that he had been engaged in surveillance.

I endeavoured to conceal my surprise and suspicion and asked if he was in the police. I’ve heard that sometimes former police officers can find positions out here that would perhaps engage them in such activities, but he said no and became a bit evasive especially when I informed him that I had been a bobby for 14 years. Apparently he had been watching many people in Colombo, but by this point I wanted to put my fingers in both ears and sing ‘La la la la’. In this climate it is better to be ignorant of these things.

Something else also bothered me and it has to do with the film ‘Fight Club’. The first rule of Fight Club is that you don’t talk about Fight Club. I also know this of people who are legitimately involved in undercover and surveillance operations – they don’t talk about it.

But it got better and I really struggled to keep a straight face as he told me that he had friends within a Chinese gambling ring and that he had a Chinese/Korean girlfriend in Colombo who was extremely jealous and had him followed everywhere. He told me that there were surveillance teams on his tail all the time and that they hid on the surrounding hillsides monitoring his every move with binoculars. Now I understood his look of alarm when I made it known that I had observed his absence. He must have thought I was part of that team.

We conversed a little bit more and he expounded some alarming conspiracy theories that involved collusion between nurses and the police in England to give people drugs to keep them under control. And I don’t mean on a Friday night in a busy cell block. Righto!

I realised amidst all this startling revelations that the dog had departed, but the odour hadn’t, which meant that it was him all along. Eeuuw!! Even after he eventually left the odour lingered. It was as though it had embedded itself in my nostrils as did the smell of dead bodies on a Sunday morning years ago in the police. No matter how much you snort it’s nearly impossible to expel and you think that only inserting a cake of soap up your nose will eradicate the smell.

It was such an interesting 5 minutes and not what I had expected at all when I first opened my mouth to engage in conversation. Eventually I managed to share the experience with my friend Emily who found it equally entertaining and we were both reduced to giggles.

That brief encounter was not the end of the matter, however and ‘Paranoid Man’ as we had now named him began to exhibit some extraordinary behaviour. He was constantly watching us and must have convinced himself that both me and Emily were part of a surveillance operation, so he appeared to be taking countermeasures. Whenever he thought we weren’t looking he would be watching us and then he started to try to observe Emily, (she was spending more time at the beach than I was), through the clothes racks at the little beach shop.

He had already claimed Hard Rock as his territory, but he started straying into the adjacent Rock View where we hang out. One evening he nonchalantly walked past Emily and her boyfriend and tried to sit down in a deck chair; unfortunately it hadn’t been erected correctly and promptly collapsed underneath him. He appeared to consider that this was part of the conspiracy against him because he increased his countermeasures and poor Emily got the brunt of it.

He would stalk past her, watching her intently and try unsuccessfully to engage her in conversation; when she was dining out with Rasika he would sit at the adjacent table, even though there were other empty ones, and watch them intently, listening to their chatter.

Maybe in his head he thought he was blowing the surveillance operation apart by identifying operatives and turning the tables on them. I don’t know, but it was very fascinating behaviour.

Eventually as his subtle tactics appeared to be failing and we remained at the beach, watching him he resorted to being more direct in his approach and one night when Emily was enjoying her beer on the beach he plonked himself down on the sand next to her and said “you’ve Emily aren’t you? I know you are Emily”. At which point said Emily completely freaked out, but somehow managed to retain her composure until Rasika arrived to rescue her.

The more bizarre his behaviour became the more we observed him, which I guess just escalated his paranoia. One of the guys who had made a brief attempt to befriend him told us that he was a ‘drugs man’, that explains everything! ‘Paranoid man’ had told him that he couldn’t go back to England because the police would be waiting for him as soon as he stepped through the airport.

An army of men in white coats bearing straitjackets I would have thought.

The things and people I see from under my tree!!!!!!

Don't take your cheese for granted

It was July the last time that I had decent cheese. I just don’t know they think they are doing when they make cheese here, but they just don’t get it. There is Ball Cheese, which is exactly what it says it is; a ball of cheese coated in red wax. It is unremarkable in taste; eating a candle would be equally satisfactory and in fact eating it raw is not recommended at all. It is reserved for cooking only, when at least it becomes a little more palatable. There is some other cheese that comes in huge blocks but again it is entirely devoid of flavour.

So imagine my overwhelming joy when I discovered Red Leicester and English Mature Cheddar in a supermarket in Colombo. The attendant on the counter was highly amused at my state of excitement. I think I spent over £12 on 400grams of cheese! I am going to make myself seriously sick on it for the next few days; my body has adjusted to a diet with little dairy in it, but do I care!! Nooooo! It will be February before my next fix.

So next time you pick up your cheese at the supermarket – think of me and enjoy every mouthful.

Becoming more Sri Lankan

I know I’ve been here a long time now, not just in the days marked off on a calendar, but because of changes in my attitude.

One of these is the adjustment to the climate. Don’t get me wrong it’s still bloody hot – to take a quote from Good Morning Vietnam “it’s hotter than a snakes ass in a wagon rut” – but I notice when the temperature drops below 30ºC. Whilst tourists are happy to dive in the sea I find myself shivering and considering putting on a jumper and thinking that they must be insane to take a dip in such conditions.

In the last couple of weeks there has been an influx of tourists, considerably more than this time last year and I am drawn to looking at them; it’s just so unusual to see so many white people walking around the village. Even more unusual is the sight of white people walking around Galle. But why oh why do they insist on wearing beach attire into town. It's just so wrong!! Perhaps I should be a bit more tolerant the next time some dork on a moped nearly drives into the back of a bus because he’s too busy looking at me on the back of my motorbike. It does grate a bit when you get stared at so much and it makes you want to snap “haven’t you seen a bloody white person before”. Especially in a country that was under colonial rule for so long!

The Sri Lankan’s actually have a lovely phrase for dealing with such intrusive behaviour and it translates into “have I got a parade going across my face”. I haven’t actually dared to use it yet because I get things mixed up and would probably end up telling them that my uncle’s goat fornicated with the dog! My mispronunciation of things is normal; I murder people’s names so it’s safer for me to stick to Malli – young brother.

Me and a friend went on a shopping trip to Colombo the other day and overdosed on junk food, but you know what – McDonald’s breakfast was great but give me fresh curry and fresh bread any day.

Garlic is another issue. I remember that before coming here buying maybe a bulb a month and using just one clove was acceptable, two was just insane! Now it’s bought by the kilo and one clove is considered a waste of time; half a bulb goes in to every meal and it’s quite normal. I do probably reek of the stuff, however and this was brought home to me after the Colombo trip. I didn’t eat any garlic all day, but when I came home I noticed it so much on Raja when normally I wouldn’t be able to detect it.

It is a fallacy that garlic keeps mosquitoes away. Given that every day I am consuming at least half a bulb I still get bitten every night.

I also recall being intimidated by fresh chillies and using them sparingly having made sure to remove the seeds whilst wearing rubber gloves. Not so now; unsheathed hands chop the whole lot in and whack it in. The chilli-con-carne that I prepared and considered to be quite mild in heat had Raja perspiring profusely and reaching for the coconut to tone it down.

ouch

They say dogs are like their owners.....

Kali has learned to ride on the footplate of Raja's scooter. As soon as we leave the house she jumps straight on board ready to go. She's a biker chick alright and sits there very proudly as we taz along.

My pretty little wolf

Not impressed with bath-time

Ooooh I've been so broody and desperate for a puppy and here she is at last. Kali.
Sadly fleas and ticks are a daily problem so she has regular baths. As you can see, she's not terribly impressed by this. The indignity of it.

Sorry Viv - not quite a sunset

The sky behind Rock View after a storm

View of the kitchen

The land is covered in large boulders, which have had to be blown away. Raja has had team of cousins working for him on this seemingly impossible task.

They have achieved this by using a hammer and chisel to drill holes into the rock and then it's been blasted with dynamite.

The eye-opener is that it's all done by hand, no electrical power tools here. They are also paid per foot they drill. Their rate for this is the equivalent of 75p per foot. Some days they manage to earn about £3-£4. Scary eh??!!!

The view from what will be our bedroom. I can hear the waves rolling in and I should be able to see the surfers from here.

Raja is learning to be strict with me about animals. He's realised that given a chance I will turn it into a sanctuary up here. I've already been told I can't have a cow or a goat. But he's not said 'no' to chickens yet. LOL

Our home

This is the start our home. It's a beautiful plot of land on the mount that looks over the bay. The two boulders are the size of small elephants and will be an integral feature in the kitchen. It should help keep it cool!!!!

The structure already there is the foundations for the bedroom, which will have a balcony looking out towards the sea.

Hopefully it will be ready for Christmas.

Tarka the invisible

Tarka and Rochester Rabbit

A memory that still makes me smile.

I was told it was impossible. It won't work. A Borzoi and a rabbit in the same house just isn't going to work. But here they are sharing Tarka's bed.

After the storm has gone

Around the time this was taken Unawatuna had been battered by brutal thunderstorms for about 2 days. I've never heard anything like it. The thunder rolled continuously around the sky all night, with claps that shook the ground and sounded like bombs going off overhead.

It was bliss when it final broke.

Dinner!!!!

Can ya tell what it is yet?

Back where I belong

I've been back in Sri Lanka for about 4 weeks now and it feels like I never left. Returning was like coming home.

I'm renting an apartment now with a kitchen and dining room for the grand sum of 2.50 a day. It's great - I can have tea when I like and I don't have to get up early for breakfast. It will sound really bizarre, but when you've been somewhere like this for a long time having all your meals and drinks in restaurants becomes tiresome.

Downside is that the kitchen was designed with deeewarfs in mind and the worktop only reaches my thighs. Consequently I've had a bad back for 4 weeks!!!! Oh well - can't have everything.

I'm just happy to be back here.

Aha - We found Nemo

Stingray

Here I go again into the big blue yonder

One Giant Leap......

The Ministry of Silly Walks would be proud of me.

Do something that scares you everyday!!!!!

I did my Open Water Diver course!!!!! And yes it did scare me for 3 days, but wow what an experience.

I've always been curious, but I don't like snorkelling too much, I hate water up my nose etc!!!! I've also been frightened of the idea of being out there with so many things I can't see and don't understand and all that space.

But I decided that it was time I pushed another boundary. That's what a lot of this trip has been about, expanding boundaries and leaving comfort zones to experience something new.

I have to say that I'm pretty amazed at a lot of what I have achieved in my 7 months away. The Jo a lot of people knew from years ago and probably even last year wouldn't have dared do what this Jo does!!! And without the help of anti-depressants too!!!!

So - whilst I have been in Thailand I decided to book myself on a course. The first time I went underwater with all the gear on I panicked big style and was all ready for climbing out of the pool in defeat. But as always, I have that gentle feeling of support from above and I pushed through the terror and gradually became more comfortable with it all.

By day 3 I was quite happy to be out in the sea for my 2 final dives. I have been totally blown away by the experience. It must be what it's like to float over the moon's surface but with fish!!!! LOL

All that life going about its business totally unaware and unconcerned with what us lunatic humans are getting up to. It makes you look at your life in a very different light. Since when do fish worry about the price of bread etc!!!!

Light traffic in Bangkok

Sunset at Bankai - Koh Phangan, Thailand

Party girl's last night in Sri Lanka

Only in Sri Lanka

A guy comes onto the beach selling the most horrendous and ghastly fabric flowers. Whilst we were all reaching for the sunglasses, however, all the boys on the beach rushed out to get a really good look at them. They were really impressed and we were in stitches

The Expat Girls

Beck, Emily, Me and Sarah

Angel wisdom

Ants don't believe in fish, but they exist!!!

It makes perfect sense when you think about it really, although I confess it took me a few days of scratching my head to figure it out.

Leaving Sri Lanka

Well, after 6 months, I left Sri Lanka!!!!

But it's only temporary! I return on 2nd March for another 3 months. I can't explain it, but the place is deeply lodged in my being and I'm homesick for it.

What is strange is that I never felt like that about England. I can't wait to return to sit on the beach under my tree drinking iced coffee and playing Deuce!!!! No it's not rude!

Bangkok is like a test of endurance. It assaults the senses on every level and I'm so glad I listened to the voice that urged me not to stay there for 7 nights. It's not terribly cheap either. But that is possibly because I now compare it to the cost of living in Sri Lanka rather than England.

Motorbike taxis are the best way of getting round undoubtedly, but should be considered an extreme sport. In addition to helmets they should issue knee pads. Some of the gaps the riders squeeze through really make you suck your stomack in.

Traffic is permanently gridlocked and it makes me wonder about how many people are sat in their cars at any one time and, if they are all in their cars is anyone left at home. It made me feel like Crocodile Dundee on his arrival in New York when he said it must be a friendly place, all those people wanting to live together!!!! I am not a city girl at all.

I'm now on Ko PhaNgan which is interesting. So many foreigners!!!! I still think like a Sri Lankan and I find that my exclamations are usually in Sinhala too. Ayo! Pow Eddy mata!!!! LOL

Riding my motorbike in England will be a doddle after the roads of Sri Lanka. Forget the odd stray sheep, there is nothing like dodging dopey cows, even more dopey people and playing chicken with an on-coming bus that is on the wrong side of the road bearing 300 people. And I'm not joking about the number of people. There are no road rules, other than might rules! Oh and sound your horn at every opportunity.

Beep - I'm here
Beep - you're there
Beep - I'm coming past you
Beep - Get out of my way
Beep - There's a cow at the side of the road
Beep - Do I know you?
Beep - There's another cow
Beep - I'm here

But nobody shouts at each other!! An English woman shouting "Oi Wanker, what about your indicators, give us a clue" from the back of a bike is not something they are used to. I continue with Raja's education in road rage techniques. LOL

More fire twirling

Fire twirling

Dimutu lost in music at the NYE party

The final sunset of 2006

There was something so spiritual about seeing this sunset. It gave me the opportunity to say thank you for how my year was ending and that I had been able to make my dream come true.

More Christmas

Sarah me and Suranga

Norman - everyday Sunday

Norman is one of my favourite characters in Unawatuna and has many pearls of wisdom to share if you can understand him.

His favourite saying is "Everyday Sunday"

The other is "Slip of the tongue not fault of the brain"

Go figure.

Nature's palette

How many amazing shades of grey can nature create!!!

Boys always think they know best

Pah!!!!

Raja and Iranka crept up on me and Liz to see what we were up to and thought it hysterical that we were trying to fly a kite.

Iranka's theory was that the kite was faulty. Not that lack of wind had anything to do with it. To get my own back I told him he would have more chance if he climbed down the cliffs. It still didn't fly. But it kept them quiet for a while and gave us something to laugh at.

What a perfect way to end a day

How perfect is this?! Sunset on "The Platform" at the Blow Hole. They bring you beer whilst you watch the sun go down.

A bit more sunset

A spectacular sunset

Lets go fly a kite

To be consigned to my mental - "not one of my best ideas" folder!!!!!

It was too cloudy to lie on the beach so I had the bright idea of trying to fly a kite from the top of the temple. Assisting in the attempt is Liz.

The missing ingredient was the wind. Not even a slight breeze to ruffle its feathers. It's a good job it was quiet and secluded up there or else everyone would have seen two demented English women trying to get it airborn.

My first sunrise

It only took 4 months, but this was the first sunrise I saw in Unawatuna.

After a night of dancing in Hikaduwa I climbed up to Raja's land to see the sun come up. It was truly beautiful.

Mogwai - my faithful beach dog!

Bless his little paws. Mogwai, I'm regularly told is not an Unawatuna dog, he's from Hikaduwa - a resort about 30 minutes north of here. I never realised that the 'outsider' concept applied to beach dogs too.

He was brought to Unawatuna by a westerner as a puppy, but then she discovered she had to leave and left poor Mogwai to fend for himself on the beach.

He adores attention and is so well mannered. He will seek me out to greet me when I go to the beach and when I have my dinner he will very politely rest his head on my knee until I share the remnants of my meal with him. I've never seen a dog savour every mouthful before. Maybe it comes when they don't take their meals for granted.

He will always curl up in the sand by my feet, growling at strangers who get too close for his comfort. About 50 yards away is good for him! On a few occasions he has escorted me home, trotting by my side. He's even followed me up to the door of my room to make sure I got home safe and then he's returned to his section of the beach.